Hey Mr.Mayo! I wanted to try somethin new for the sports area of the newspaper and I wanted to maybe try to submit Sports Jokes like each time we have an edition printed. Maybe this will help attract people to reading the Sports area because I know people who will just skip right through it and not read it at all. Thanks :)!

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it", she replied "but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?" "Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was"Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!"

Unfair pay!

Alot of the Texas faculty have been very upset over the head coach's pay. Mack Brown was receiving $3M a year. In the past week, university system regents, of Texas have decided that the coach deserves more than what he has but that it a little unfair looking at the circumstances of the school itself and how much they've budgeted during this recession. To raise his pay to $5M and most likely the school won't be given any is just not a fair rule. I mean, isn't education more important than a coach's pay? Especially when they're getting paid $3M! Couldn't you use the other $2M towards education? That would make alot more since in my opinion. During one of the University faculty meetings, members took a vote voting whether they thought it was a good or bad idea. They later said that the $5M pay was "unseemly and inappropriate."

Early Bird Tiger House !

So much is going on with Tiger woods. First it's the car crash he had at 2:00n the morning. It happened on November 27th and alot of people are becoming suspicious about it all. Woods drove off in his shiny, expensive Cadillac Escalade and drove right into a fire hydrant and then into one of his neighbors trees. Some people find the situation just suspicious. Others say the police have no right to investigate to far. Do the police have a right to ask Tiger questions? If no other car was involved in the car crash can't they just call it reckless driving then leave it alone? Then, in less than two weeks, Wood's mother in law called 911 in the 'wee' early hours of the morning. The next thing you knew was that she was rushed to the hospital. This all happened at 2:35 am. As far as the public knows, she's been put in a seperate wing for security and all matters are private.

Before and After Sosa

Have you seen Sammy Sosa, the famous BaseBall Club slugger? If you haven't notice his skin is turning very light by the second. Is he bleaching it, is it the camera's light, or does he have a medical problem? He told the press that he applies the cream to keep his skin smooth and soft and he simply puts it on every night before he goes to bed. He said he's been using the cream for years and that the camera's flashes or the sun from playing all the time has made his skin "seem" light. He never admitted that his skinned actually turned light. He claims that his skin is the exact same color as it has always been. He also denied that he was going through anything skin related. The same thing that Michael Jackson had..... more to come.

No Luck Robbery

Three Tennesse Volunteer Players were arrested for a robbery. It was a night that must have frightened the victims. They were simply sitting outside a conveniant store when a male pulled up to there window with a gun asking for money. Another guy came and told the victims to give them everything that they got. The victims showed the men their wallets and could clearly see that there was no money they could give. A third suspect came up to the window and said that they needed to leave. The next thing that happened, the victims immediately called the police and the suspects ran away in a car. The car was identified as a Toyota Prius. The victims reported to the police that there were three black males in hooded sweatshirts. Later that night police found a Toyota Prius and found the three suspects which the victims could clearly tell were the people they had an incident with earlier. Those three suspects were also Teneesee Volunteer Players, Janzen Jackson, Nu'Keese Richardson, and Mike Edwards. As the police investigated the car, they found three hooded sweatshirts and many marijuana evidence. Later they reported there was a fourth suspect. There was a girl driving the runaway car who is now under further investigation.

Text Message Have To Do With Death?

For all of those who are Tenessee Titan fans know that former player, Steve McNair was shot to death. It happened on July 4th but no one could figure out why such a thing would happen to McNair. A women by the name of Sahel Kazemi , texted McNair for two hours before he was shot and then she shot herself. The cops have released information since then giving information about the text messages. Reportedly, Kazemi was saying how much she was in stress of paying bills and how she really needed $2,000. Texts also detailed how they were going to meet at a Nashville Condo. That is wear McNair was killed and Kazemi shot herself. The money was still transferred to Sahel Kazemi's banking account the night they were shot. It makes no sense for her to want money then commit suicide. Either way the case is confusing and all police want to know is why.

Stable Condition

[To the reader: football in mexico is soccer in america] Footballer Salvador Cabanas who plays for Paraguay was in critical conditions but is now in stable conditions. He was shot in the head at a very popular club called "Bar Bar". Suregeons tried to remove the bullet from his skull but they did not succeed. Cabanas was attacked but reporters say they do not think it was a robbery of some sort. Nothing was stolen from the player. Cabanas was with his wife at the nightclub when he went to the bathroom and shootings broke out. That was when she rushed to the bathroom to find her husband shot in the head on the floor. No one has been arrested but there are four people being questioned.

Vicks Better Breakthrough!

Vick may have not made a full comeback in the Footall Feild, but he's sure made a new breakthrough. He'll be starting his own TV reality show. Yup, you've heard it. He's signed a deal with BET (Black Entertainment Television) for an eight- part reality show. It is to be called The Michael Vick Project.It is said to be aired next year. The show is said to be much different than "The T.O Show" which focused on the glamourous life of Pro Football Player, Terell Owens. The show is suppose to focus on Vick's personal struggles since his release of 18 months in prison. It will show the inside scoop of his relationship with his fiance, Kijafa Frink and his children. Many people don't agree with Vick having his own TV Show. For instance, a man associated with PETA(People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) disagree's with it all according to the L.A Times. The man told L.A Times that he didn't think that people who People who abuse animals don't deserve to be rewarded. The question is, is Vick being rewarded? Is this a bigger way for saying he's sorry? Or both? You tell me.

A Painful Recovery Ahead!

Southern California Football Player, Stafon Johnson, had a very bad accident on a Monday. He was simply lifting some weights when his hand slipped from the bar causing it all to fall on his neck! This could have been a very deadly incident. Luckily Johnson is alive and recovering. He crushed his larynx and throat. USC coach Pete Carroll reported that the player is functioning well but can notmove his neck or head to much. Wednesday, the player opened a twitter account and tweeted, "Thank you every1 4 all the love and support".That was his first tweet ever. He appreciates all the love and support of all his fans.

Buress; The New Vick?

Unfortanetly, Plaxico Buress, former New York Giants, is going to have to face a two year sentence in prison for weapon possession and one count of reckless endangerment. The 25 year old was with Antonia Pierce, linebacker of New York Giants, at a nightclub in Manhattan. The gun was tucked in Buress's waistband which lead to the horrible accident.The gun had slipped down his pants pocket, the trigger must have hit the leg making it fire and wounding Buress. New York or New Jersey (where he resides) did not have any file of his gun being licensed. He did have a license before though. It was in Florida,for the concealed weapon, but it expired in May of 2008. Now the football player has to face his consequences of two years in prison. Will he be ale to be like Vick and make a comeback?

Tennis Affair

Melanie Oudin, a very talented 17 year old tennis player is in a messy mess right now! It's not so much of the fact that she messed up in a tennis math but that her parents are getting a divorce. This is one heck of a messy situation though. She is the first to be the youngest American tennis player to play in the quarter finals since Serina Williams, so therefore there s no reason for her father to worry about her. The father needs to mainly be worried about his wife, Leslie Oudin. John, the father, filed for a divorce way back in July of 2008 but word is finally coming out. Supposebly, Leslie was having an affair with Melanies coach, Brian de Villiers! Wow! The Oudin parents agreed to many different conditions at their temporary order way back in Dec. 16, 2008. As for Brian de Villiers, he can not interact with Melanie unless they are doing Tennis activites and he can not travel with Melanie for any tournaments that she in involved in.

Almighty Quarter Back!

Joey Wright is a young man and he's got his life and proffesion on track. He's a young man but he knows what he's doing when he gets on that football feild. Because of Wrights outstandging performances, he's helped West Chester to their fifth straight NCAA Division II playoff appearance. He has thrown 3,336 yards and 28 touchdowns and that's not it! Between all that you would have thought he's just in the best shape. He graduated from St. Mark's but has had five knee operations since his sophmore year and it wasn't on just one leg! Three diffrent surgeries on his right and two on his left! Wow! People are amazed how his ability to recooperate is so quick and fast and yet you see him back on the football feild, his passion. Watch out for him. He could be the next Tom Brady, eh?

Eagles new quarter back

Over the summer, the Eagles has drafted a new quarter back. The one and only Michael Vick. You would have thought that the hundreds of thousands of Eagles fans would be excited about it all consisdering it like McNabb said, " a new weapon to the team." Looking at Vicks records before being convicted you have to admit that he is a very good athlete. He was the first person in football history to rush 1,000 yards in one season. Through many talks and interviews it does seem as if Michael Vick really wants to start off fresh. Is this change going to effect how many fans the Eagles have. They've already started selling there tickets on Ebay. Are we losing our flock?

Grubb Dead at 31

Nascar driver Kevin Grubb was found dead Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 at a motel. A staff member of the Alpine Motel in the Richmond area found him dead on the bed. The state examiner confirmed that Grubb was shot in the head but it seemed to be a self- inflicted bullet. Suicide? What could cause this? Depression, drugs, death in family? Drugs could just might be the case but there is no evidence of that yet. Grubb was suspended in March 2004 because he tested positive in a dug test of a bannesd substance and in September of 2006 for unwilling to take the drug test. Investigators of this crime say that there was no sign of any use of drugs in the hotel. A toxicology test is being used on his body to see if they can find any drugs in him. The results won't come back until about six to eight weeks. Many NASCAR spokesman, drivers, and family and friends of Grubb are eager to hear the results.

Drugs + Baseball = Umm. BAD!!!

Manny Ramirez is shining in the spotlight! ONLY this is not the typical spotlight where you hear the crowd clapping, cheering, and yelling HIP HIP HOORAY! Ramirez is suspended a whoopin' 50 games after a drug test! Yup. I think I know what your thinking. The Los Angeles left fielder was taking drugs. Actually that's not the exact story. He is accused of taking steroids but Ramirez says that he got a medication from his doctor and it contained a banned substance. The reason why he got the medication in the first place was because he went to his physician for a health issue. Why did the doctor give him the medication if there was a banned substance in it? Ramirez speaks for his doctor and claims that the doctor thought that it would be okay to give him. He apologized to his teammates about the entire condition. Heartfelt fans have sympathy for Manny Ramirez. No one reealizes how much pain the major league star must go through. He was suspended one day before he may have had the oppurtuntity to rejoin the New York Yankees.
Quick Facts~
Major League Baseball Drug Poilicy (What you can't take or use in any form):

• Cocaine
• LSD
• Marijuana
• Opiates
• MDMA
• GHB
• Phencyclidine
• 46 steroids [too many to write]
• 30 Stimulants [too many to write]

Swine flu- Sports Article

Swine Flu is something so popular these days. On March 20th, 2009, in Mexico, doctors were noticing an abnormal pneumonia that people were getting. More than 700 people had this pneumonia and more than 100 people had died from it. On April 24th, 2009, international authorities reported that the mysterious sickness was swine flu. The flu quickly jumped borders and hit 16 states in the U.S. Back in Mexico, many things have been canceled. One thing in particular that has been banned from people for their safety is Football games in Mexico. FIFA (Fédération Internationale de Football Association) is considering whether or not to prospone the World Cup 2009 Tournament held in June 14-28. Mexican fans will not be able to watch there team play in front of them in person. The games are held in private. An anonymous spokesman says that the Mexican League game won't be cancelled since the games are played like this. Many fans think for the athletics protection, the game needs to be canceled until the flu is rissolved. Many people including Cab students think that the swine flu was only in the 50's. That is not true. Get your facts straight! There was a 1918 flu pandemic. Nobody exactly knew what the disease came from but pigs and humans got sick at the same time. It was in the 30's when scientist realized that pigs started it. That wasn't the end of it though. It grew! Between 1997 and 2002 the virus emerged three different subtypes. The subtypes are birds, pigs, and human species. Now in 2009 we have another flu pandemic. When will this pandemic end? How long will it last? How long will the future of sports history be prosponed?

The Cast- Features

Ever been so moved by a movie? Well, The Cast is one of those movies that move you. A man goes on a plane to simply to deliver packages. That's his job. He works for UPS. Then tragedy strikes! The plane crashes killing his other two co-workers and him the only one alive. Days before the plane crashed he proposed to his girlfriend. She said yes. While on this styranded island he had one picture of his fiance keeping it by his side at all times. He opened the boxes that were supposed to be shipped off. Skates, volleyball, and a box that he noticed was different. It had angel wings printed on trhe cardboard box. He didn't opened it. He attempted many times to build his own boat and drift off but the waves were too powerful. Using his own blood he made a smiley face on the volleyball calling him Wilson. Wilson was his friend. It was the only thing and the picture of his fiance that seemed to move him on. He always kept track of the date. Almost after 4 years of eing on the island he decided to take one more attempt of drifting off to land. He built his boat with hope. He used every last peice of material that he could use to help. Taking Wilson with him he drift off to sea. So many days and nights where there werestorms and once laying on the boat, he was looking into the eyes of a whale. Who knows where he was on the sea. While swimming back to his boat, he saw Wilson floating off into space. "Wilson," he called out so many times. That volleyball was so deeply apart of his life he didn't want to let go. Trying to get it back it was too late. As he lay there half asleep with no hope a big ship was there beside him. The next scenes are the most powerful scenes of the movie in my opinion. His finace from 4 years ago was at home with her husband and kids when she gets the phone call that he has been rescued and faints. Everywhere there is news about him being recued after 4 years on a stranded island. He go's the his old fiance's house and they have a long talk. She gives him the keys to his car before he got on that plane. They kissed before he left. The box that had the angel wings still had the address on it. He takes it to the house but no one is there. He leaves a message with the box. As he's leaving, he pulls over on the side of the country rode and looks at his map. A woman with a dog in a red truck passes by and they talk for a brief moment. As she leaves he looks at the back of her truck. There are wings, just like the box. He looks back at th road. Four directions. Which one does he want? Well...that remains a mystery.

Rest In Peace- Sports Article

Football players, Will Bleakley(former player of University of South Florida), Corey Smith (Detroit Lions) and Marquis Cooper (Oakland Raiders) are still lost at sea. Nick Schuyler (University of South Florida) was found at sea March 2nd, 2009. The football players were simply going out to go fishing but a tragedy became the effect of it. Nick Schuyler told Coast Guards who rescued him that the other men finally gave up hope after a two hours, took off their life jackets and drifted off to the sea. Nick also said that by Monday morning, Will Bleakley who stayed by the boat with him thought he saw a light and swam to that area to get some help. Unfortuanetly, Will never came back. There is still no sign of the three football players. All hope is lost.

April Fools Article

Love Affair!
It was a regular, old Cab Day. No ceiling, cardboard floor in the lobby, and the insane sound of construction workers. There was only won thing though. You could feel love in the air but not the love in a romantic story... more like love in the most disgusting way. There was a girl; the girl remains “the girl”, because telling her name would cause trouble for me, was walking down the hallway. There was a glow to her like an angel from heaven [it ended up being a costume that was so out of date! That was out like last week. DUHHH!] and she was actually happy for once. I think nobody was picking on her. People picked on her because of her short skinny body but just was thing…a BIG BUTT. On the other hand was a boy; the boy remains “a boy”, because telling his name would cause trouble for me, was also walking down the hallway during 5th period. He had a uniqueness to him like he invented something that people in Delaware probably can’t do [not making fun of Delaware I just needed to use a state and Delaware is...well......*crickets*].People were also not making fun of him. He stunk! I noticed that he went to the stairway and the girl wasn’t in Science with me. We were doing DNA Testing and blood creeped me out. I asked to go to the nurse. I always felt queasy at the sight of blood. Mr.Beam signed my pass and I ran to the stairway but what did I see......[Do you really want to know? I’m going to tell you anyways. HEHE! I answered the question for you so...so...*crickets*] I saw THE GIRL and THE BOY kissing. As you read in the beginning I said quote:” You could feel love in the air but not the love in a romantic story... more like love in the most disgusting way.”, and that is exactly what I meant. A big butt and STANK!, can give you love. You know how people say age doesn’t matter, well I guess size and clean-ness doesn’t matter.

Is the Legal System Fair?-News Article

A woman left her child in the car seat occasional times when the weather went up to 100 degrees! The woman would go to work leaving the child in the car for up to eight hours. She has another daughter and was told by a daycare worker that she shouldn’t leave that child in the car but she didn’t listen. So what happened to the child? The poor, little, innocent girl dies and many people think the mother did it on purpose. The average person would have the sense to not leave their child in the car. That’s why some people call this murder. So what happened to the mother? She is at home with her other daughter and not in jail where personally I think she should be. A man in Philadelphia owned a puppy mill and shot more than 50 of them. He claimed that they were unwanted dogs. As two investigators. Bill Smith from MLAR look throughout the filthy mill, they see dogs covered in there waste. How disgusting and sad it was to see some of the dogs. Some were crippled. Lisa and Bill thankfully, saved many dogs and are now in good care and with loving families. The thing is this guy never went to jail. That seems kind of weird. A man went to jail for accidentally killing a dog. He was driving and it was late and dark outside. He hit the dog and the owner of the dog sued him. The man was sentenced to jail for 2 years. Is the Legal System fair?